The Conclave of the Mother
God’s Lila and the Integration of Polarities
The weekend before I was to travel to Mt. Shasta for the Conclave of the Mother, I had the opportunity to play for a meditation in New York City led by a friend and teacher of many years. When I told him about the conclave he suggested that I present a chant to the Mother by Paramahansa Yogananda. The words are, “Engrossed is the bee of my mind on the blue lotus feet of my Divine Mother.” He also suggested that I research the meaning of “the blue lotus feet” to share with the conclave.
To tell the complete story of the Conclave of the Mother and to document how we, as many strands of consciousness, came together to invoke, experience, learn, heal, and give birth to new ways of being in the world would take a book. And yet, the essence of my learning was expressed by a simple geometric form which appeared just when I was ready to understand its significance. Here are the most beautiful gems which I have been able to uncover from my own journey.
During most of the conference, the group energy, facilitated by the presenters, was able to maintain a focus and receptivety on and towards the Divine, but the greatest catalyst for my own understanding and growth came during two pivotal moments in which our focus and receptivety became unbalanced. These moments served as extremely powerful mirrors, showing me exactly how I have tended to lose the fullness of Divine Grace in my life, and setting me on an amazing journey of understanding and transformation.
The first of these events began during a transmission of Divine energy in which one of the participants went into a state of extreme emotional catharsis. Everyone’s attention focussed on the emotional drama instead of holding the energy. At that point we as a group were receptive to what was happening, but did not have the focus to hold the higher vibration.
The opposite polarity occurred a few days later in a Divine “lila” or drama that was to change my life. The evening was organized to be a special initiation celebration with each person to be initiated receiving energies from five Suns and five Divine Mothers. Each initiator was to embody the energies of the appropriate Sun or Divine Mother so that the participants could experience the energies.
One of the presenters was used to working very powerfully using a single focus. When she felt the energies in the room were too chaotic, she announced her need for consistant group focus very dramatically:
Declaring that the transmission of Divine energies must be given in a controlled way to honor the source and the human conduit of the energy, she offered the opportunity for everyone to experience the energy that moves through her the following morning. At that point, almost everyone in the room went into an emotional reaction. For me this triggered a very deep childhood memory of my father saying to my mother, “You’re doing this wrong, I’ll show you how”, and my mother replying, “you’re being mean and I don’t like it.” Emotionally I felt like I did back then, inadequate, afraid, and wishing I could fix my parents.
As a child I spent a lot of time and energy trying to “fix my parents” so I could feel safe. I didn’t realize that their differences came from a fundamentaly different way of looking at reality. Opening to this memory opened me to the possibility of integrating both the masculine and feminine aspects of myself in a conscious and healthy way.
Everyone I spoke to in the next few days had taken one of these three positions in the lila, the angry father, the angry mother or anxious child.
This trigger served as a great gift in disguise, catapulting me into a journey of discovery, healing, and transformation. To start, I needed to make a choice whether to attend the unscheduled event the next morning and I wanted more understanding to be able to make this decision. I began to be aware that I was working on a conceptual jig saw puzzle and that I needed a few more pieces.
My thoughts went to the fact that someone had recognized the energy of Shiva in me. The previous evening, one of the presenters had shown a slide with a picture of the Goddess Kali walking across the chest of Shiva. I had been inspired by a line from the accompanying poem which talks about Kali walking across “the Immaculate Chest of Absolute Reality which annuls all negativity.” The “Immaculate Chest” sounded too much like the “Sacred Heart” for me to ignore, and this helped me understand that it is Shiva’s unconditional love which gives him the ability to “eat poison and not be affected.”
Then I remembered that I needed to learn about the “blue lotus feet of the Divine Mother.” I called a friend who told me that this refers to Kali, who is blue.
Before going to sleep that night I asked for guidance, and asked my Mighty I AM Presence to create an energy field or grid which could resolve the seeming dicotomy between the masculine and feminine polarities involved in the lila. I also asked to embody the “Immaculate Chest of Absolute Reality”(Shiva) to dissolve any negativity around the event within me into unconditional love.
I awoke with the song about Kali in my head and remembered that the author was Paramahansa Yogananda. Asking for guidance about what to wear, I heard blue, but not my blue shirt. I then saw my blue T shirt with a picture of a Swan in honor of Paramahamsa Ramakrisha. Paramahansa means Great Swan in the Indian tradition. The swan is the symbol of discernment, and it is said that the swan has the ability to drink from a mixture of milk and water and receive only the milk. I then had the understanding that if there was to be an upsetting situation that morning, as Shiva I could eat poison and survive, but if I could be the Swan, I could choose to be in any situation and access only that which was nourishing for me. With this new goal in mind I decided to go to the unscheduled event.
The darshan was quite beautiful in terms of the Divine energies transmitted, and it was very clear that for the purpose of this event one divine being was acting as the transmitter and most of the other divine beings were acting as receivers.
Remembering this moment as I write, a question is raised in my mind: “What is the purpose of Divine energetic transmissions, channellings and group spiritual work?” It seems to me that the primary purpose is to facilitate and strengthen the connection between the physical-emotional-mental based personality and the God-Source of Being which is continually creating preserving and evolving the person. This link-up then provides guidance and energy to create Heaven-on-Earth for each person and community of people who are thus integrated. The next question is “What is the best way for this to be accomplished?”
That evening a friend offered me a pear. As I received it I remarked that this wasn’t a pear, but was an apple! She explained that indeed it was a pear. It was in the shape of a toroid, like a MacIntosh apple. As I contemplated the pear, I began to receive inspiration that I had just been presented with a “new Pearadigm” necessary for the creation of “Pearadise!”
The “old pear” is round on the bottom with a phallis on top, and for me relates to the male or heirachical perspective. The spiritual aspirant starts at the bottom and “climbs the mountain” until reaching a small circle near the top. From the perspective of any place in this circle, the rest of the pear looks similar. To get any higher than this small circle, and to actually climb the stem to reach oneness takes great mastery.
The “new pear” is round, and although it has a top and bottom, every place in the pear is valuable and necessary for its perspective. To reach oneness, any being simply surrenders its perspective to the whole for the sake of receiving a larger perspective.
By the end of the Conclave I had seen how important it was to honor every point of view, and although I was celebrating the “new pearadigm” many questions remained for me.
Upon returning home, I began to have both inner and outer experiences which addressed these questions. One day while I was swimming at the community waterhole a three year old boy came up and asked me if I killed spiders. I replied that I usually take them outside if I find them in the house. Up until that time I had usually viewed spiders as creatures who weave webs to entrap and devour their prey. As I contemplated his question, I realized that there is another way to view spiders; that they are weavers of light, and their webs are communication or light grids which network information and energy between different points.
This opened the door for a further experience along these lines. One morning I was contemplating the necessity of accessing the purest and clearest light to aid in my own evolution and I asked for the energy of the Divine Father to come to me through my own individuated God stream. I felt a vortex of pure, blissful Divine Light enter and fill the entire right side of my body. At this point, without knowing why, I found myself asking to embody my Shadow, and my left side became filled with a seemingly impenetrable darkness. I then requested that the two sides begin to communicate so that the Father energies of my right side would enlighten the darkness of my left, and that the Mother energies from my left side would give richness to my right side.
At this point I became aware of a spider on the desk in front of me and I tried to catch it to take it outside. It escaped with an amazing burst of speed and I went back to work, trying to bring the light of my right and the darkness of my left side together. Almost at the point of giving up, I noticed that the spider had returned and was climbing on a case near my left hand. I invited it aboard and held out my hand. As it climbed up my left arm, I requested assistance to integrate my left and right sides, and it proceeded to create a new network of light between the two halves of my body, filling me with feelings of bliss and gratitude.
Soon after this, while meditating, I found an uncomfortable spot under my left rib cage. When I looked at it more closely, it took the form of a clam shell covered with muck. I washed it off in my mind and asked what was inside. Out popped a tiny winged fairy named Delight! I then asked what else was in there and I opened the shell. Inside was a wasp on top of a white caterpillar. Upon asking, I was told that the wasp signified control of others and the use of anger to enforce control. The caterpillar was the abused partner or the victim.
I then asked the wasp if it would be willing to transform from control of others into self control or discipline. Once hearing the affirmative answer, I asked for guidance, and then asked the caterpillar if it would be willing to transform into discernment. The caterpillar also agreed.
I realised then that for many years I had pushed aside my ability of discernment for fear that I might judge another person unfairly. This created a coping pattern of absorbing negativity whenever I was in an emotionally charged situation. Although it looked like I was being helpful, I was actually giving myself extra work to do, and sometimes interfering in a process that would have worked out perfectly for all concerned.
A few days later while playing for a meditation group I saw something near my foot and asked the person next to me to see what it was. It was a moth which seemed to be dying. I asked my friend to put it up on my keyboard, and watched in wonder as the moth first rested and then coming to life, stretched its legs and wings and flew away. This showed me that the abused caterpillar had been transformed into the moth of discernment within me, and that self control or discipline and discernment could give me the space I needed to create a life of love and light.
The following weekend I found myself playing music for another spiritual group. When we met, the teacher said some things to me which triggered feelings of unworthiness and anger within myself. As I was working with her, my personality would focus on things she was saying that I could say better, and each night, I watched myself rollercoastering between thoughts of “You don’t know who I am, I’m very important!” and the humbling realization that I was in reaction and the thoughts I was projecting towards her were preventing the manifestation of oneness between us. Thankfully the teacher discussed the fact that the personality tends to cover up feelings of unworthiness with arrogance, and that by honoring and loving both polarities as they manifest one can open to the healing of these distortions.
This healing allows the rebuilding of the Chalice of who we are as personality into a container which can hold the nector of Who we are as Divine Beingness. Unworthiness tends to leak our energy through the giving away of our own Divine power, and Arrogance tends to bleed energy from others by saying “I’m more important than you.”
In my own contemplations I have found that the Divine medicine for arrogance is humility(usually administered through experience), and that the medicine for unworthiness is dignity. Humility is the recognition that we need help(and that it is provided). Dignity is the recognition that we are worthy naturally, and that this original value is not tarnished by any event or choice we have made in life. By becoming conscious of these two sides of the chalice of mastery, I am learning to hold more Light and to begin to appreciate the immense mercy in which the LIGHT OF GOD is holding me and ALL THAT IS.
P.S. Yesterday I bought a quart of seckle pears. Their shape is a blend between the “old pear” and the “new pear”. They are small and absolutely delicious. Funny, we had a seckle pear tree in front my boyhood home.
P.P.S. What I learned: The male polarity in men and women works with focus and gets things done. This takes self control or discipline. When distorted, this polarity appears as arrogance and the need to control others. The female polarity is receptive and discerning. When distorted, this polarity can become the victim of circumstance, and/or appear unworthy. To bring forth the Divine inner Child of Delight, Joy and Love, the Sacred Marriage of polarities must occur, balancing focus and receptivity, discipline and discernment, Power and Wisdom. By honoring all that arises, while maintaining focus on our highest ideal, we participate in the healing of all distortions, and in the sealing of the Holy Grail of our Being to be able to fully hold the Divine Grace of the Beloved(Love). This is the Divine Plan, the bringing of Heaven to Earth(Humility), and the bringing of Earth to Heaven(Dignity).